“Don’t think about a Pink Elephant.”
It’s the classic statement, as soon as you hear it, the only thing you can think about is a pink elephant!
Several years ago I was heading off on holiday and, literally on my last email check before checking in, I had one of those ‘oh shit’ emails from someone that really wasn’t happy with me.
Of course, the immediate self criticism was asking myself ‘Why I thought that checking my email just as we arrived was a good idea’ and the my brain rapidly went into overdrive – this one message threatened to derail the entire trip.
Running a business is tough, it had been a challenging year, and I really needed time to rest and reset.
But there it was, the Pink Elephant email. An issue that quickly became the only thing I could think about.
So, what to do…
Put yourself first
My health and mindset had taken a hammering over the year prior already. Running a business through a pandemic doesn’t make for particularly smooth sailing.
For the sake of my health, my family, and our time together, I needed to devise a strategy to avoid ruminating on this issue and stewing on it for the whole trip.
Family comes first, so it was time to deal with it, then try to fill my brain with other thoughts to help shrink the elephant to a manageable size.
Plan, Prepare, Park
As a business owner, I find it very difficult to switch off. That’s especially so for a holiday. The run up to a trip is hectic, with all the loose ends needing to be tied off, delegated or delayed.
Just as I thought things were under control, BOOM, the elephant-shaped curve ball flies in from left field and threatens to flatten me.
The tactic I employ is often to write down concerns, stress or issues. This helps make sure I’ve captured my thoughts, and it’s quite therapeutic – just getting thoughts out of my head into the Notes app on my phone helps to calm my busy mind.
- Plan
Try to bullet point out your thoughts. There’s no holds-barred when typing in to your phone. It’s easy to keep going, write out all the options, the challenges and any pros and cons. - Prepare
Of course, this situation will need dealing with when you’re back. Here I like to try and write out the worst-case. It’s a stripped back version of Tim Ferriss’ Fear Setting exercise. Can you summarise the worst possible outcome, and mentally accept this. From there, you can often dial it back – most of the time, it’s unlikely to be as bad as the worst-case scenario. Also I like to write down key points or ideas that may help improve the situation. - Park
Of course, if there are quick wins that can be dealt with straightaway, then often it’s easiest and less stressful to just do it. But, the risk if you’re heading off for a few days, is that you’ll get drawn in to more discussions or issues. For me, family beats work every time, so I’ll set aside time to deal with any issues when I’m back in the office and focused.
Remember, you and your team get the best out of you if you’re rested and ready to show up again at your best.
Then stop – don’t feed the Elephant
Does this avoid all the worries, stress, anxiety? Absolutely not. But, on many occasions, it’s helped me to reframe the elephant and put it in it’s place. The brain has a built-in bias to focus on negative information, whether that’s a mistake you’ve made, a nasty comment or other issue. It’s been this way for thousands of years.
Rather than letting the Elephant fester and grow, write it down, examine it, write up solutions and then let it go. Crowd it out with other positive thoughts, and use your notes to clear your thinking if there are pangs of guilt and anxiety.
Start moving, build energy and ensure that your activities are creating positive forward movement. Head out for a bike ride rather than wallowing in self-help books, go to the gym rather than doom-scrolling through emails.
The further you move, the smaller the Elephant looks.
Don’t feed it. It’ll always be there, but you can reframe it, put it in it’s place, and life life to the full.